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 Post subject: Re: An Unlikely Romance - Updated with complete Chapter One
PostPosted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 11:56 pm 
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Hallowed Whisperer of the Sacred Dark
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Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2008 4:53 am
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Location: West Virginia
I really need advice/suggestions here. :( How can I make Alec seem more..."feel-able?" More personal? That's even been my biggest problem to myself. I read and reread what I've written, but it seems...lacking. What can I do to improve that? Do you think that switching it to third-person-limited pov will help, since I'll be able to know the character better than he knows himself during certain situations?

Thanks, everybody! :D

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 Post subject: Re: An Unlikely Romance - Updated with complete Chapter One
PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2009 1:11 am 
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Dwells in Shadows
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Joined: Mon Mar 17, 2008 1:08 pm
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I think, for your story, third person limited might be better...

But I'm incapable of writing third-person so I'm kinda useless there unfortunately. ^^;


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 Post subject: Re: An Unlikely Romance - Updated with complete Chapter One
PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2009 2:28 am 
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Hallowed Whisperer of the Sacred Dark
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Joined: Thu Mar 27, 2008 2:57 pm
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It's an interesting story and fun to read, I think. But, there are a few things that seemed rather off about it. If you don't mind me saying...

I felt it kind of odd to throw in the "end all humanity" guy right in the beginning. It kind of makes the character seem less threatening, as there's no first hand experience to how it all started, what he does, ect.

Also, Alec seemed well...(please don't be offended by this) like a pansy. I understand the the concept of it was suppose to be that he was a sort of...new vampire, but in the amount of time that he was one, I'd think he'd garnish some kind of attitude, especially knowing he has these great powers. Everyone would get kinda cocky, I think. He seems to be neither one way or the other about the idea of being what he is. In fact, if it wasn't for the fangs and feeding, I woulda thought he was just some dude. Does he like what he is? Does he hate it?

Anyway...I hope that helped. >_<;


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 Post subject: Re: An Unlikely Romance - Updated with complete Chapter One
PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2009 8:52 am 
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Hallowed Whisperer of the Sacred Dark
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Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2008 4:53 am
Posts: 911
Location: West Virginia
Thanks, you two!

Devia Luna:
Quote:
I think, for your story, third person limited might be better...


I think so, too. I'm going to be basically reconfiguring the entire beginning, and rewriting the whole book in third-person limited pov. It will take a while, though, so you guys might not see an update for some time. Just don't forget about it! :D

WereDono:
Quote:
But, there are a few things that seemed rather off about it. If you don't mind me saying...


Please don't ever feel bad for giving a good, honest critique of my work. I mean, if you find these things wrong about it, then so will others, and that is the last that I want from a reading audience. I want near-perfection. I want people to read what I'm writing and actually think, "Wow, that was great! I was so wrapped up in that!" So, as much as you're willing to criticize, please do. ^_^

In any case, what you said did help, because it's aiding my ideas for the reconfiguration of the beginning. Working with third-person limited will also make it much easier to include a more proper introduction of Lucius, since I could even write a short passage from his pov.

Thanks again, all!

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 Post subject: Re: An Unlikely Romance - Updated with complete Chapter One
PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 10:17 pm 
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Hallowed Whisperer of the Sacred Dark
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Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2008 4:53 am
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Location: West Virginia
Oh, I forgot to mention that I'm also going to be working on turning some of my favorite, pre-thought-out scenes into parts of the graphic novel which I'd love to complete, alongside the book. I'm curious to see if the feelings and emotions that I want this story to bring to life would be better exuded through the expressions of faces and body language. It might actually be easier to see what I'm talking about, accompanied with shorter thought boxes and dialogues, rather than trying to explain it with so many words.

As of right now, I want to devote my attention to starting the character sketches and beginning to draw example excerpts from the story, so the actual novel itself will be on hold until I'm satisfied with these. ^_^

I'll post pictures of what I can whenever I'm ready. Hopefully, capturing the images with a digital camera will be better than my stupid webcam. Damn... I REALLY need a scanner. x_x

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 Post subject: Re: An Unlikely Romance - Updated with complete Chapter One
PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2009 5:38 pm 
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Hallowed Whisperer of the Sacred Dark
Hallowed Whisperer of the Sacred Dark

Joined: Thu Mar 27, 2008 2:57 pm
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That sounds pretty cool. :D There's no doubt in my mind that it'll be easier to show emotions and expressions through the drawings, rather than words.

But, yes. I agree. You need a scanner. It helps soo much when it comes to art. With a camera, there's always so much detail it misses because of shadows and stuff.

But, looking forward to seeing them.


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 Post subject: Re: An Unlikely Romance - Updated with complete Chapter One
PostPosted: Sat Jan 09, 2010 7:18 am 
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Hallowed Whisperer of the Sacred Dark
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Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2008 4:53 am
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Location: West Virginia
Update: I'm finally working on this book again. After it's been this long, re-reading it was like reading someone else's work, and it turns out that I really do like it. So, I'm only making minimal changes to what I've already written, because I have plans for the book which will make it complete (plans I had from the start), and I know that it'll turn out good. I'm not going to post anything more here, though, because that was, honestly, a mistake. While I absolutely love constructive criticism, it was a bad move on my part to ask for criticism on an unfinished work, and it only dampened my enthusiasm to make it better. You all were only receiving snippets of it, and thus couldn't form complete opinions. Sorry that I put you up to the task! I believe some of you did tell me that it wasn't the greatest idea to do that without having more to read. Thus, I just wanted you to know that I haven't given up! A vampire novel with shounen-ai aspects will hopefully hit the bookshelves someday! :D

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