ShadowsDen

I really need advice/suggestions here. How can I make Alec seem more..."feel-able?" More personal? That's even been my biggest problem to myself. I read and reread what I've written, but it seems...lacking. What can I do to improve that? Do you think that switching it to third-person-limited pov will help, since I'll be able to know the character better than he knows himself during certain situations?

Thanks, everybody!

I think, for your story, third person limited might be better...

But I'm incapable of writing third-person so I'm kinda useless there unfortunately. ^^;

Thanks, you two!

Devia Luna:


I think so, too. I'm going to be basically reconfiguring the entire beginning, and rewriting the whole book in third-person limited pov. It will take a while, though, so you guys might not see an update for some time. Just don't forget about it!

WereDono:


Please don't ever feel bad for giving a good, honest critique of my work. I mean, if you find these things wrong about it, then so will others, and that is the last that I want from a reading audience. I want near-perfection. I want people to read what I'm writing and actually think, "Wow, that was great! I was so wrapped up in that!" So, as much as you're willing to criticize, please do. ^_^

In any case, what you said did help, because it's aiding my ideas for the reconfiguration of the beginning. Working with third-person limited will also make it much easier to include a more proper introduction of Lucius, since I could even write a short passage from his pov.

Thanks again, all!

Oh, I forgot to mention that I'm also going to be working on turning some of my favorite, pre-thought-out scenes into parts of the graphic novel which I'd love to complete, alongside the book. I'm curious to see if the feelings and emotions that I want this story to bring to life would be better exuded through the expressions of faces and body language. It might actually be easier to see what I'm talking about, accompanied with shorter thought boxes and dialogues, rather than trying to explain it with so many words.

As of right now, I want to devote my attention to starting the character sketches and beginning to draw example excerpts from the story, so the actual novel itself will be on hold until I'm satisfied with these. ^_^

I'll post pictures of what I can whenever I'm ready. Hopefully, capturing the images with a digital camera will be better than my stupid webcam. Damn... I REALLY need a scanner. x_x

Update: I'm finally working on this book again. After it's been this long, re-reading it was like reading someone else's work, and it turns out that I really do like it. So, I'm only making minimal changes to what I've already written, because I have plans for the book which will make it complete (plans I had from the start), and I know that it'll turn out good. I'm not going to post anything more here, though, because that was, honestly, a mistake. While I absolutely love constructive criticism, it was a bad move on my part to ask for criticism on an unfinished work, and it only dampened my enthusiasm to make it better. You all were only receiving snippets of it, and thus couldn't form complete opinions. Sorry that I put you up to the task! I believe some of you did tell me that it wasn't the greatest idea to do that without having more to read. Thus, I just wanted you to know that I haven't given up! A vampire novel with shounen-ai aspects will hopefully hit the bookshelves someday!